Canadian government announces new border wall

Ottowa, Ontario The Canadian government announced today the construction of a new border wall at Point Roberts in Washington State. A government commission studying the plight of the landlocked piece of US territory recommended the measure to address ongoing complaints about residents' access to the US mainland.

Commission Chair Warren Fraser denied that the proposed wall resembles prison bars. "Frankly, I just don't see it," he said, speaking at a press conference to announce the plans. "We're just using everyday materials like you'd find at any Rona." He also denied that the new orange jumpsuits the government plans to require Point Roberts residents to wear resemble prison garb. "It's for their own good, really. Everyone on the commission just happened to like the color orange, and we thought it would be a good way of raising their spirits, wearing something cheerful every day." When asked how the government would fund the new wall, he replied that Mexico would pay for it.

Point Roberts residents have already started raising complaints about receiving daily calls reminding them to wear their jumpsuits.