Take the guess-work out of ArriveCAN'T ArriveCAN with
Howdy folks! My name is Bobby Joe Popeil. You may have heard of my recently and dearly departed brother, Ron. I’m not as famous as he is, but that’s okay because I'm smarter.
When I recently retired from my job as a rocket scientist, I settled in Point Bob, and it’s been pretty peachy for the most part. You couldn’t pick a better place to wait out a worldwide pandemic.
There’s just one little problem: ArriveCAN’T.
Ahem - sorry. ArriveCAN.
Over the last few days, since they relaxed the border rules, have you thought to yourself, “Hey, I think I will get myself out of this prison”? Well, my friend, you are not alone. Lots and lots of people have, including yours truly.
But... there’s a hiccup. A fly in the ointment. Sand in the gears. A turd in the swimming pool. And it’s called ArriveCAN. After having only 17 months (!) to figure out a system that could work for everyone, Canada intentionally forgot about Point Bob again. You say, “Whaaat? No way!" And I say, “Way.”
Any time you want to go into Canada, even just to transit through Canada to or back from the US mainland, you need to complete ArriveNOCANDO ArriveCAN. You ask yourself, “Golly Bobby, is there anything that could go wrong?” Oh ya. As my dear late brother Ron would say, you can't slice or dice that turkey.
Here’s my story.
I was struggling and struggling with how to fill out the ArriveNOPE ArriveCAN app on a recent trip back from Bellingham and getting more and more frustrated and angry by the minute. I'd left Point Roberts in the morning, and when I tried to come back home to PR that afternoon, the app still thought I was in quarantine so it wouldn't let me do anything. Nothing. Nada. After trying everything else I could think of, I finally went to the courthouse and had my name legally changed so ArriveFUCKOFF ArriveCAN would let me create a new account and start over.
But then, after all that, it wouldn't let me enter my home address in PR. It kept nagging me to enter a valid Canadian province and a postal code, but I live in Point Roberts, Washington, 98281, and I thought, "Damn!!! What do I have to do, anyway?" My head was ready to explode! For the love of God, I just want to comply with the laws! Why won't they let me complete it accurately?
Well, friends, since I apparently needed a BC address, I was trying to find someone to quickly move my house from Point Bob to Tsawwassen. But then a friend loaned me his ArriveMAYBE Help Kit. The kit includes a handy directory of BC postal codes, so I just chose a postal code at random, and BING BANG BONG! The app took it! I was so impressed that I bought the rights to his idea on the spot and changed the name to Arrive-O-Matic, and I'm never leaving the Point again without my Arrive-O-Matic Help Kit!
So, I know you are asking yourself, “Bobby Joe, tell me what’s in that Arrive-O-Matic Help Kit, 'cause I really need one too!”
Let me show you...
Here's what you get:
Take it from me, Bobby Joe Popeil, and literally several other satisfied customers: there's no substitute for the Official Arrive-O-Matic Help Kit. If a rocket scientist like me can't figure out ArriveCAN, who can?
Disclaimers: Offer void where prohibited by law. Cash only. No substitutions, no returns. Kit pieces not sold separately. Phone not included. *CBSA is Confused Border Sufferers of America.
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